Fear and loneliness of the anxiety sufferer

By far the biggest issue I see in therapy is anxiety – it’s such a widespread problem. If you’ve never suffered from anxiety, it’s difficult to really understand just how bad it can be; how exhausting and how crippling. It makes doing anything in a typical day a challenge – driving your car, going to the shop, walking down the street, meeting up with even very good friends … never mind doing whatever it is you do in your job.

To give you some idea, imagine you are walking down the street while aware that a sniper is following your every move. You’d feel hypersensitive to your environment; acutely self-conscious, exposed and aware of your own body, heart pounding, probably lightheaded and like your head might just explode… desperate to hide from this invisible threat. That’s how an anxiety sufferer may frequently feel. It’s the sense that there are possible threats everywhere and they have to remain on high alert to deal with them.

As you can tell, we’re not talking here about the normal anxiety that comes before job interviews and first dates or the day-to-day worries many of us have about finances or health or our relationships; chronic anxiety is a different thing altogether. Yours may have started after you were in a car accident or were the victim of a crime, when suddenly the world no longer seemed safe and predictable; or it may have begun when you were bullied at school, leaving you with poor self-esteem and self-confidence and difficulties in trusting others; or you may have grown up in a family that was full of conflict and where no one ever spoke about their feelings or helped you deal with yours. The causes of anxiety are many, and it’s helpful to get to the root of it – that way your anxiety isn’t just some nameless terror.

I have to say I have huge admiration for anxiety sufferers and the bravery they show in just getting through the day. Because apart from anything else, suffering from anxiety can be a very lonely experience – most people are too embarrassed to tell others how they suffer, or they don’t want the other person to feel awkward: the sufferer feels helpless to deal with the anxiety, so how could anyone else possibly know how to help? So they find ways to cope as best they can – for example, making sure they drink to take the edge off before going out; or they just withdraw, stop driving, stop going out, meeting friends. Whatever they can do to feel safer and more in control.

Next time, I’ll look at some of the things you can do to manage anxiety – and there are many, it’s just about finding what works best for you.